This
is what usually happens when you get too comfortable with someone – you
simply stop trying. You stop complimenting them and treating them like
they’re someone special. You stop putting time and thought into
birthdays, anniversaries, and romantic dates. You stop trying to impress
them or make them feel good or show that you love them. Relationships
take work, so even if just one person stops trying it will inevitably
crash and burn.
2. Takeshots at each other.
Have you ever watched House Hunters, or Love It or List It,
or any other HGTV show that combines real estate and married couples?
Because a lot of the time those couples are brutal to each other, but if
you don’t really pay attention you’ll miss it. They take the worst digs
at one another but since they’re laughing, observers take it as a
harmless joke. They might tease how one settled for the other, or how
they should’ve married rich, or one’s incapability to finish anything.
They’re always belittling each other or insulting each other in a form
of a joke. Taking shots at each other is a horrible thing to do in any
form of a relationship. But you should never humiliate your significant
other, whether it’s only the two of you or in front of people, just to
put them down.
3. Lose your sense of self.
In so many relationships, people lose who they are. They pick up
their significant other’s tastes, hobbies, interests, style, everything.
It’s great to be able to share what you love with someone you love, but
it’s another thing to forget who you are as an individual. If you feel
completely at a loss without the other, you’re in trouble. No matter how
in love you may be with a person, you should still always have yourself
and cherish your independence.
4. Cheat.
Um, no explanation. This should be pretty obvious.
5. Forget about your friends.
We’ve all been there. You meet someone new and you enter the puppy
love stage where you always want to see them, talk to them, or be
talking about them. You forget about all of your other priorities and
responsibilities because you’re so caught up with this one person. But
you should never, ever forget about your friends. Your friends
were there first. They stood by your side longer than this person, and
there’s a good chance they’ll still be by your side long after they are
gone. Always make time for the other important people in your life. Don’t be that person who breaks up with their boyfriend and then is suddenly always around. There should be a balance.
6. Compare them.
Even if you’ve been in relationships before, been in love before,
fucked tons of people before, you should never compare the person right
in front of you with anyone else. Don’t compare your girlfriend to some
hot girl at the bar, or your boyfriend to the jacked guy at the gym. No
one likes to feel like they’re in competition with someone they don’t
even know. You’ll do nothing but make them feel bad about themselves and
then they will resent you for it.
7. Forget about them.
We all get sidetracked, we all have friends and family we make time
for, we all have jobs that demand our attention. We may be out at the
bar with our significant other but spend majority of the time talking to
other people. We might be out somewhere and forget to answer their
text. But nothing hurts more in a relationship than being forgotten
about, and worse, ignored. Don’t be completely unaware of their
presence. It’ll only make them that much more touchy when it comes to
you talking to other people. If you care about them, you shouldn’t be
forgetting that they’re there.
8. Dismiss any problems.
Even worse is not taking problems seriously with your bf/gf. If they voice a concern, listen.
Hear the issue from their point of view and try to come up together
with a resolution. Don’t wave it away and wait for it to blow over,
because it’ll never actually go away. In fact, those little problems
that could’ve been addressed and nipped in the bud will just grow into a
tangled, complicated mess.
9. Put everything/everyone else first.
When you love someone, that person is usually (and should be) a
priority in your life. Just as you become an important priority in
theirs. You expect the significance of one another to be reciprocated.
But it can be hard watching this important person put other things in
front of you. When they hear of something exciting, they call their best
friend first. When they find a cool place to go out, they tell their
brother. When a crazy story happens to them, they text it in their group
chat. They choose their friend’s house party over your sister’s
birthday party. You don’t want to just feel important, you want to know you’re important.
10. Try to change who they are.
Either accept them or leave. That’s it. You should never try to turn
someone into what they’re not just to fit the mold of your ideal mate.
That doesn’t exist. So you just have to accept them or keep walking.
11. Desensitize yourself to them.
After a long time being with someone, this can easily happen. You
aren’t as moved when they cry. You don’t feel bad calling them horrible
names. You take shots below the belt during minor arguments. You don’t
care if they find out something that will upset them. Your sensitivity
for them and their feelings dissipates. And that will never work well in
a relationship.
12. Bring up the past.
This is a major NO-NO in an argument. In a relationship, you should
only be focusing on the present. No matter how brutal a fight might get,
you should never bring up an event from the past. You have to
leave it behind. If your boyfriend cheated on you, if your girlfriend
did something fucked up that hurt you at one point, you have absolutely
no right to bring it up again and use it as ammunition. You have to
leave the past where it belongs. If you forgive them for something and
you both decide to move on, that means no bringing it back up, no matter how well it might work in your favor at the moment.
13. Holding a grudge/keeping score.
Another thing similar to bringing up the past is holding grudges
against each other. Someone in a couple might feel justified to do
something immoral just because their boyfriend did something similar
before. Or they’ll refuse to do something super special for their
birthday just because the other didn’t do it for them this year.
There is no such thing as keeping score in a relationship. You cannot
base your actions and decisions on past occurrences.
14. Not support them.
You should always have your partner’s back, no matter what.
You should never shoot down their dreams or goals, no matter how
far-fetched they may be. You should always be there for them, even if
they make a stupid decision, to help pick them up and dust them off
after. You shouldn’t mock them for being wrong. You shouldn’t make them
feel worse about failing. You should always be their rock, their
unwavering support system, no matter what
